A Tale of Two Marine Mothers
It would be too cruel to contrast these two strong, proud mothers with anyone else, so I won't. It must be noted, though, that one thing these two women have in common is that they recognize that their sons have made decisions over which they have no control. And that, while they love them more than anything, they know they shouldn't have that control. Their sons have become adults and have exercised the free will and decision-making rights afforded to adults in this brave and proud Country.
While the mothers both are struggling with their sons' decisions from their motherly perspective, they also see their sons as the brave men they have grown to be. It's hard for a parent to let go of a child--especially when the child makes decisions that are dangerous or frightening to the parent.
At some point, however, parents must realize that they do not "own" their children. Those children-come-adults haven't been put on this Earth to serve their parents needs alone. It wouldn't be an emotionally healthy adulthood for them if they were.
Our little ones are meant to grow up and become adults in their own right. It's the natural order of things--and if you are lucky--yours will too. When they do, it means you have done your job of creating independent, responsible adults with character and lives of their own. Not without a responsibilty to you and their other family members, but with a life to lead in a way they decide is meaningful to themselves.
You can marvel at the amazing creatures they have become. You can be proud of your influence upon them and the choices they make. And you can revel in both of these things.
But, ultimately, you must realize that adults must make their own decisions, according to their own character and needs. You can better direct your energies into thanking them and God (under whatever name you worship Him) for allowing you to enjoy their precious lives while you are able. You can feel these two mothers' emotions. Nobody ever said being a parent was a walk in the park.
The First Tale (in her own words)
My son Cpl Tyler F. Slabey USMC....1st Tank Btn....M1A1 Headquarters Tank...Charlie Co...29 Palms....left for Iraq in January 2003...they were the tank battalion that went up the east side of the Euphrates...they made it to Baghdad and setup camp in the middle of town...they were surrounded by barbed wire and razor wire in a circle for the men and equipment. Ty had been saving up some goodies from home skittles, candy, cookies etc. They were in the camp for a week...one day a man and his son about 2-3 years old come up to Ty....Ty talked to the man (Iraqi) and gave him some of his stash. The man started to cry and couldn't stop thanking him...he and his son was all that was left of his family and they were so hungry. As the week went on everyday he would give the man food...especially his MRE's because they were so packed with calories....at one point the man fell to his knees crying....Ty hugged the man and Ty and the tanks left for southern Baghdad.
My son does not talk much about the war but once in a while he has something to say...my son is a very humble young man and did not tell the story to get praise he wanted to let me know about the conditions this man and others lived in. My son's story reduced me to tears and it still does....there are a lot of young men like my son who show acts of kindness to the Iraqi people...my son touched this man and his son's life with absolute kindness. My son is an amazing Son, Marine and human being.
Very proud mother of CORPORAL TYLER F. SLABEY
JULIE SLABEY
PS: If you preserve a persons life it is as if you saved the world.....
Source: Sgt Grit News, Issue 104 (link in Essentials at right), August 25, 2005
The Second Tale (in her own words, too)
First let me say that the letter from x-marine Bret Ford about his experience in the Des Moines airport made me sit here and cry, but then i dont think i ever get your newsletter and finish it with dry eyes.
My husband and i are blessed to say that our son from the 2/24, returned safely in April, but without 13 angels. As i watch the news everyday, it breaks my heart for the soldiers lost. I guess i hurt just a little more for the Marines though...please send our love, respect, admiration, and strength to those families in Ohio of the 20 fallen Marines.....we are born and raised Midwesterners, and not only have we lost these men out of our Marine family, we feel we have lost some great men raised from great parents, with strong down to earth values, and that is a very big loss in this day and age...I can imagine the pain of their loss, but cannot even begin to understand how, other than by the grace of God, they get from day to day....this was what kept me from months of sleep while our son was away, so as a Marine Mom, i would just like all these families to know that they are not alone, we Marine families are there to help in anyway that we can....I pray for God to send them peace and strength and the courage to reach out for help, because there is no shame in needing others.....sometimes it just helps to talk.....I thank each and every Soldier from every walk of life for their service to our country, and for protecting my right to be free.
I am grateful for all those who are willing and able, past and present to give me that gift....please don't let the children forget why we have soldiers, why sometimes we need to go to war, why some of these brave men don't return. If we let all these values die, then we will end up being like the people that we are fighting against!!!!!!!
Beth Smith-MOM
Lance Corp. Daniel Cysewski - weapons 2/24th
Source: Sgt Grit News, Issue 104 (link in Essentials at right), August 25, 2005
While the mothers both are struggling with their sons' decisions from their motherly perspective, they also see their sons as the brave men they have grown to be. It's hard for a parent to let go of a child--especially when the child makes decisions that are dangerous or frightening to the parent.
At some point, however, parents must realize that they do not "own" their children. Those children-come-adults haven't been put on this Earth to serve their parents needs alone. It wouldn't be an emotionally healthy adulthood for them if they were.
Our little ones are meant to grow up and become adults in their own right. It's the natural order of things--and if you are lucky--yours will too. When they do, it means you have done your job of creating independent, responsible adults with character and lives of their own. Not without a responsibilty to you and their other family members, but with a life to lead in a way they decide is meaningful to themselves.
You can marvel at the amazing creatures they have become. You can be proud of your influence upon them and the choices they make. And you can revel in both of these things.
But, ultimately, you must realize that adults must make their own decisions, according to their own character and needs. You can better direct your energies into thanking them and God (under whatever name you worship Him) for allowing you to enjoy their precious lives while you are able. You can feel these two mothers' emotions. Nobody ever said being a parent was a walk in the park.
The First Tale (in her own words)
My son Cpl Tyler F. Slabey USMC....1st Tank Btn....M1A1 Headquarters Tank...Charlie Co...29 Palms....left for Iraq in January 2003...they were the tank battalion that went up the east side of the Euphrates...they made it to Baghdad and setup camp in the middle of town...they were surrounded by barbed wire and razor wire in a circle for the men and equipment. Ty had been saving up some goodies from home skittles, candy, cookies etc. They were in the camp for a week...one day a man and his son about 2-3 years old come up to Ty....Ty talked to the man (Iraqi) and gave him some of his stash. The man started to cry and couldn't stop thanking him...he and his son was all that was left of his family and they were so hungry. As the week went on everyday he would give the man food...especially his MRE's because they were so packed with calories....at one point the man fell to his knees crying....Ty hugged the man and Ty and the tanks left for southern Baghdad.
My son does not talk much about the war but once in a while he has something to say...my son is a very humble young man and did not tell the story to get praise he wanted to let me know about the conditions this man and others lived in. My son's story reduced me to tears and it still does....there are a lot of young men like my son who show acts of kindness to the Iraqi people...my son touched this man and his son's life with absolute kindness. My son is an amazing Son, Marine and human being.
Very proud mother of CORPORAL TYLER F. SLABEY
JULIE SLABEY
PS: If you preserve a persons life it is as if you saved the world.....
Source: Sgt Grit News, Issue 104 (link in Essentials at right), August 25, 2005
The Second Tale (in her own words, too)
First let me say that the letter from x-marine Bret Ford about his experience in the Des Moines airport made me sit here and cry, but then i dont think i ever get your newsletter and finish it with dry eyes.
My husband and i are blessed to say that our son from the 2/24, returned safely in April, but without 13 angels. As i watch the news everyday, it breaks my heart for the soldiers lost. I guess i hurt just a little more for the Marines though...please send our love, respect, admiration, and strength to those families in Ohio of the 20 fallen Marines.....we are born and raised Midwesterners, and not only have we lost these men out of our Marine family, we feel we have lost some great men raised from great parents, with strong down to earth values, and that is a very big loss in this day and age...I can imagine the pain of their loss, but cannot even begin to understand how, other than by the grace of God, they get from day to day....this was what kept me from months of sleep while our son was away, so as a Marine Mom, i would just like all these families to know that they are not alone, we Marine families are there to help in anyway that we can....I pray for God to send them peace and strength and the courage to reach out for help, because there is no shame in needing others.....sometimes it just helps to talk.....I thank each and every Soldier from every walk of life for their service to our country, and for protecting my right to be free.
I am grateful for all those who are willing and able, past and present to give me that gift....please don't let the children forget why we have soldiers, why sometimes we need to go to war, why some of these brave men don't return. If we let all these values die, then we will end up being like the people that we are fighting against!!!!!!!
Beth Smith-MOM
Lance Corp. Daniel Cysewski - weapons 2/24th
Source: Sgt Grit News, Issue 104 (link in Essentials at right), August 25, 2005
posted by Hairpinandarrow_blog at
7:05 AM
2 Comments:
I am Julie Slabey the mother of CPL Tyler F Slabey and have read your introduction to the "A Tale of Two Marine Mothers". I have been thinking about the appropriate things say about the intro and the only thing I can come up with is that I am honored.
I also agree with exactly what you said and I couln't have said it any better. My son returned home from Iraq and was severely injured while doing combat manuevers at 29 Palms, CA. This has presented a whole new set of challenges along with the everything else he has to deal with.
Not once through all of this did I wish he hadn't joined the Marines or go to war...eventhough he is my only child and I Love him more than life it's self.
Because I honored his decisions and support whatever path he chooses.
We are all given hardships to overcome (some more than others) but through those hardships we hopefully come out the other side a stronger, wiser, more compassionate person.
Thank you honoring me and my son with your comments and posting my letter to Sgt Grit. Semper Fi
Very Respectfully,
Julie Slabey
VPM CPL Tyler F Slabey USMC
Julie, No, I am truly honored to have received this comment from you. Thank you, your family and your son for your sacrifices on our behalf. Please know that we haven't forgotten after all this time and that we hope your challenges have alleviated somewhat. You are all in our prayers.
Semper Fi
With deepest respect and honor,
H&A (Wife, Mother, and Daughter of US Marines)
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